brother_alone | Boys With Toys [For twelve_not

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Boys With Toys [For twelve_not_fourteen]

Josh is making a real effort to try and get his life in order.

He's leaving his shanty more and more often, clean cut and wearing fresh clothes rather than the grimy tattered mess he'd arrived in months before. A few odd jobs around the Nexus have allowed him that much at least. They never last too long though. Partially because they're just that: odd jobs. But also, because one Bad Day or episode is all it takes to get him let go.

It's discouraging because Josh is trying so hard.

Not for himself, really. There's enough self loathing within him to bury him several times over. He hates himself. Hates what he's done. What he is. What he sees. But there are people he cares about, people who see something else that Josh doesn't.

People like Chris, like Dia. And like Han.

So when Josh's phone buzzes, he assumes it's one of the only people in this place who gives a shit about him, or the newest place he works at occasionally with some hours for him. He isn't wrong. Han wants to know if Josh is up for fixing up that rust heap he'd picked up a few weeks back. The memory makes Joshua smile as he unlocks his phone to reply.

Sure thing. Meet at your ship I'm assuming?

He doesn't wait for a reply when he leaves his shack. Josh figures he has plenty of time to change direction if need be. It's not half bad outside today anyway, and the walk will do him some good.

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One thing Han is, even as a relatively young man, is observant. When he decided he was going to look after Joshua, that meant a certain amount of his powers of perception were going to be aimed at him - for better and for worse. He's noticed that Josh has the tendency to put himself down, understandable, hell ... maybe it's even justified, but the Captain's going to call it the way he sees it.

And anyway, even though it's natural for everyone to be self deprecating (even Han) once in a while, it's usually not very constructive.

...

Those details about the thing he saw he's going to mostly ignore. Except that it does make him question certain things ... just not enough to make him want to ask them. The idea of him being a hero seems like that's proof enough that whatever version of him that he's seen could never apply to the man he is now.

"You're working hard, kid." He acknowledges, knowing that it's important to hear someone tell you that once in a while. Wishing he would have had more of that for himself. "That matters."

Josh suspects he could be pushing thirty and still be 'kid' to Han Solo. It doesn't bug him like it would from most anyone else. He respects the guy like crazy and it means a lot to have someone, especially someone he's known for not that long, see him and not just see a broken crazy.

Makes him feel like He's making some progress in his life.

When the last of the buckets is finished being poured through the bike, Josh heaves a huge sigh and finds a dry patch of ground to plop down on with his reclaimed beer. He can count that as weight lifting right? He's getting better. He's definitely not as weak as he used to be.

"Bet you could get so much tail, pickin' up folks with this thing, once we get it going." Josh gestures to the bike sitting atop the now soggy ground. Truly a more sexy vehicle was never seen. "I mean. Cleaned up. RIght now it would just attract....those little hood things."

Life is so often defined by what you want to read into it and for some strange reason, Han sees some of himself in Josh. People who knew them both might agree or disagree with that, but it ultimately doesn't really matter if he's right or not, all that matters is that he feels it to be so.

It makes him want to give the kid the pushes in (what he thinks is) the right direction that he never had at that age. The right person around to help you out at the right time can make all the difference between success and failure - which can go both ways - it might be Josh coming through in a big way when Han needs him for something. Fate is funny that way.

"Josh, I'm Corellian." He says with a cocky tilt to his head. "I don't need a speeder to impress women."

Captain Solo puts down the handful of assorted shit he's been holding right next to his friend so he can keep track of it and he starts moving the speeder over to drier ground. Just a foot or two over. That's all they need.

"Gotta figure out where we're going to keep it when we're finished."

Josh sure doesn't see himself in Han Solo, but well, that would require thinking a lot worse of the captain than it's possible for him to do. There's entirely too much self loathing and guilt weighing Josh down that he can't see Han Solo having to lug around with him. Not that he knows the captain super well or anything. He most definitely could be.

The comment about women makes Josh laugh, grinning around his bottle of beer and quirking his eyebrows instead of offering a smartass remark in answer. That may very well be true for Han, but Josh is not so blessed. Sure he was always popular at parties or whatever, but that charm was Before the Nexus. And there's really only so many people who'd be impressed with him right now. But if he could manage that it'd still be worth it.

"How long will it take to get finished? I might know a place, but it...kind of depends on timing."

Whatever smart-alec comment or assertion that being from a certain place doesn't have any effect on one's desirability Josh could have come up with ... wouldn't have shaken Han's confidence much anyway, if at all. And Han is by far not the first Corellian man to make that assertion and he won't be the last. The people of his planet, generally speaking, all have an inflated sense of self-worth.

"Depends on how hours you want to put in, I suppose." He says with a shrug. "The parts for it seem generally pretty widely available, lucky for us. I figured about a month."

"You might need it to impress the caliber of girl you're chasing." Josh mutters with a roll of his eyes. He supposes he shouldn't be surprised the captain fell for Romanov. There's a lot there for a dude to like. Helps that she's the Scarlet Johansson version too. It's just that she has a hard-on for hating Josh and Josh has a very reasonable reason to fear for his life.

Being considered an enemy by the Black Widow isn't exactly a recipe for a long or happy life.

"A month? Shit, that's too soon." Josh sighs and scrubs at the back of his neck for a moment. "I...uhm. I'm trying to save up with th'odd jobs I've been doing. So I can get a place of my own t'stay." Ideally with a roommate but that's neither here nor there at the moment. It doesn't matter if he can't get some money set aside for it. "I was gonna say we could keep it at my old place, but me and the bike definitely won't fit in there at the same time."

"Chris told you I was still going after her, didn't he?" There's a slight sigh there, but it's hard to tell if it's the sigh of being blown in or a sigh that comes from thinking of the scarlet-haired beauty herself. Anything with eyes isn't going to mind looking at Natasha, he's pretty sure of that. It's the personality, though, that makes her so intriguing and fun for him to chase.

That said, even Han has noticed in the little time he's spent with the Black Widow, she completely dislikes Josh. Knowing that, he doesn't blame the young man for being wary of her or just flat out scared.

"We'll go a little slower then." He says with a shrug. "That will be perfect because I was gonna put you in charge of taking care of it while I'm not here."

"I was literally the first person you asked about her, remember?" Josh finishes off his bottle and sets it aside before scooping up the pile of random things Han had set down next to him and inspecting them one at a time. They each go into his pocket when he's given them a once over so he won't lose them.

Josh can't even blame her objectively for hating him. He did some truly awful, fucked up things to Chris. Things that have definitely added to the night terrors Chris wakes from screaming and sobbing. But, well, selfishly he resents it a lot. He's trying to be better.

Trying to be worthy of his best friend's time and trust again.

It's enough of an uphill battle without Natasha giving him death threats.

"You sure? I mean--" Josh seems startled by this news and can't help the smile that flashes across his face. Crooked and unsure of itself, but altogether sincere and Joshua. "No shit? You'd trust me with this thing?"

It's not a dog, Josh. Or any other sort of living thing. How poor of a choice could it possibly be to trust a speeding hunk of metal in the hands of an impulsive schizo with poor impulse control? Okay, when he says it like that....

"Yeah, I remember. I remember telling you I was going to stay away after that too." Which means either Chris blew him in or Josh didn't believe that lie for a second. Both seem equally plausible to Captain Solo at this point and honestly, it doesn't matter either way. The kid knows. It is what it is.

Han scoots back on over to Josh and has a seat next to him. He's pretty sure that little brother is on the right track with the sitting and finishing off the first beer thought. He draws his own bottle up to his lips and takes another sip.

"I'm not going to be able to take it with me." Han points out. "It would take up too much space on the ship that I need for hauling cargo."

"Who better to leave it with than the guy I'm teaching how to fix it up and take care of it?"

Edited 2016-04-30 13:21 (UTC)

Little of Column A, little of Column B. It really isn't important how he came to know this information. Then again, expecting Chris to keep much of anything from Josh is asking a lot, especially with how excited the blonde is to get them together.

Or just be Han Solo's wingman at all, really.

"How's that going anyway? Getting the ship fixed up, I mean?" Josh worries at his lip for a few minutes, glancing up and then back down at his empty bottle. "You're gonna be gone for good once the ship is fixed, aren't you? I mean. Who wouldn't want to go home hahaha...."

"You think I'd leave and forget about you?"

Han murmurs, bending far enough forward to reach for the next two bottles of Rhyll. He offers one to Josh before he settles back into his sitting spot. If the kid doesn't want it, hell, he'll drink both of them himself.

"Not a chance, kid." He says as he twists of the top of his next round. "... but I've never been the kind of guy that's satisfied to stay in one place either."

As if Josh would ever turn down a free drink. He's accepting it wordlessly and opening it up to take a sip. It stops him from saying anything stupid.

Josh has a really bad habit of doing that when he's upset or hurt about something in particular. It's something he's trying to break himself from. Deliberately trying to piss off people he cares about so he can drive them away before they leave him. Again.

"Nah, makes sense. That's like the point of being a smuggler, right? Hauling shit. To and from places."

Just because it makes sense, doesn't mean he has to like it. If Han leaves, there's a very good chance he's going to get caught up in well...the life he should be leading. Josh shouldn't deny him that. He's selfish for wanting to at all. He sips at the Rhyll again.

Sighs as quietly as he can, before he puts on a smile.

"And that's your specialty right?"

It's funny because most places Han has ever been, there's never any hesitation to leave when it's time to go. Honestly, he doesn't usually meet the kind of people that make it hard for him to go. Leaving the Nexus, when the ship is ready ... it's gonna be hard. Josh is one of the main reasons that it will be.

"Officially, yeah." He says with that cocky tilt to his head. "There's no better smuggler in the whole galaxy than Han Solo."

And he lets those words hang in the air for a moment, so he can hear how they sound. It's easy for him to say the words with confidence and he has enough charisma to make people believe such a thing when he wants them to.

"But there's more to it than that. I'm a pilot. This is the only way I can ... fly anymore."

"Hey man, I get it. I really do."

Han's meant to do some great things. Meet some great people. People much better for him than some schizo kid living on the streets could ever be. What could he possibly do for Han? Nothing. Han's done a lot for him and continues to let Josh tag along.

But there's nothing he can offer the pilot. Josh gets it.

It still hurts to think about.

"I'll look after this girl once we get her up and running. It'll make for a great memento."

He won't come back. Josh knows what's waiting for him out there. Thinks he does anyway. But he smiles as though he doesn't. Tries his damndest to make it seem genuine too. Come on Josh. Tease, be friendly. Don't make him feel sorry for you.

"Plus I can think of at least a couple of people this baby is gonna impress the socks off of. It'll be way easier to do that without you crampin' my style bro."

There was a self-admission about to come out that only a handful of people knew about him that Han was going to share. Intended to, anyway. It's just that the conversation isn't really going that way anymore and that's fine. He would have been changing the subject, which is ultimately what Josh did himself anyway ...

Anyway, there's not much he can think to say to assure the kid he does plan to come back. There are plenty of people that go back and forth between the life that they came from and life in the Nexus - Natasha and Reddington and Kirk - maybe he could figure out the way they do it.

"There's all kind of people I want to see here again" He murmurs as he takes his sip of drink. "... But of all the things that happened to me since I've been here, I never thought I'd find a little brother in the Nexus."

Josh freezes where he sits, bottle halfway up to his lips. Has to swallow hard. Several times because he feels a bit short of breath. He remembers when he first met Han here in the Nexus, how the other had scoffed at the way Josh spoke.

He's no one's brother.

"Y...yeah?" He can't help the smile that creeps across his face, tiny and proud and altogether....happy. Family has been something Josh has been lacking for quite some time, even before the Nexus. "Well, shit. Looks like I'm never getting rid of you for good then, am I?"

Family? Family.

"Not used to suddenly bein' the younger sibling. Does this mean I get away with all the shit and give you hell? That's what my sisters always did." Hannah. Beth. They'd forgive him, right? He's not replacing them. No one could do that. But it's nice to be wanted. To belong somewhere again.

As if Josh was the first person Han ever treated with derision. Pretty everyone he's meeting for the first time gets the same treatment. He's bristly at first, but if you hang around long enough to prove you're worth something to him or have the good sense to stroke his ego ... then he might warm up to you.

And his little earth brother, regardless of his intentions, has been doing both. As far as he can tell the kid seems to look up to him. That means something to him.

"Yeah, you're stuck being in my shadow, Josh, sorry about that." He says with a slight smirk. Though when he mentions what family is supposed to do, his eyes narrow in thought. What does he actually know about family? Not ... all that much.

"I have an aunt and a cousin that are still alive, but I'm not really close to them. I figured this was the kind of things two brothers would do together ..."

"I was teasing. It...I don't want you to be like my sisters. I just..." Josh shrugs, looks the other way after a moment. "S'the first time I've mentioned them since coming here without..."

Losing it? Being in a hallucination? Hearing voices?

That's progress, right?

Josh would like to think so. He hopes so, even.

"Refurnish a wreck? Oh hell yeah. This is male bonding at it's core. Beer, tools, getting dirty." Josh shakes his head. "Who the fuck cares what normal families do. We do what we want, bro."

"Well, that's good because I would make a lousy sister for plenty of reasons." Though he's lacking the context of that reveal. He doesn't know that his sisters have always been a topic that triggers for him or even that they're not alive anymore. For all he knows, they're just ... still on earth somewhere.

Still, he'll listen to the kids assessment and nod his head. Damn right they can do what they want. Who the hell is going to stop them?

"I'm never going to call you bro. You do know that, right?"

It's something Josh will be able to talk about someday. For now...it's alright that Han doesn't get it. Either Chris will fill him in eventually or Josh will. Or he'll be on the receiving end of one of Josh's awful hallucinations or nightmares and he'll find out that way. For now it's not something he needs to worry about.

"Eh? You don't have to. I told you a while ago man. That's just like. Slang. Where I'm from. We don't have to be family to be bros. It's its own thing. It's like. Close friend. Sorta thing. I use it a lot."

Josh is not giving his linguistic prowess enough credit. Han has figured out that 'bro' is a derivative of brother that's popular among a certain subculture of young earth men. He's not just been around him and Chris often enough to have sorted that out, he's seen it among other Earthers in the Nexus.

He just thinks it's going to sound stupid if he tries to say it. Kind of like when he actually tries to speak Shriiwook. Some sounds are just not meant to be made by human vocal chords.

"I gotcha. I'm just saying. Don't expect it from me."

"Please. Your thing is 'kid'. Or whatever your token pet name for women is at a given moment." Josh smiles around his next swig of the Rhyll and seems to be thoroughly out of whatever funk he'd fallen into at the thought of Han leaving.

Even if he does end up spending a long ass time saving his galaxy. He won't forget about Josh. That means a lot to him. Being remembered, cared about in any capacity.

"So...the thing looks like it's more or less done dripping." He points to the bike by tipping his bottle toward it. "We gotta let that thing fully air dry or what comes next?"

Is that a dig? Are you saying that the things he says sound funny? Because if it is, he'd tell you that you were wrong, Josh. He's not going to assert that, however, because he's not out to start an argument. He just wanted to cheer your ass up. Something he seems to have had at least a little bit of success in because you're smiling now.

Anyway, 'brothers' as a metaphor for the two of them worked in his mind. It implicates a closeness and fondness that Solo isn't always the best at expressing, but it also implicates a time of separation too. Even the closest of brothers have their own lives to lead. It just means that when they're together again (and they will be) the can pick right back up where they left off.

"I want it somewhat dry before we keep going." He says taking a sip of beer and then, regarding the swoop for a moment. "The next step is tearing out the engine. Taking it apart, cleaning it and largely guessing what components are working and what isn't."

Separation is fine. Josh has plenty going on that he doesn't want Han to be hovering over his shoulder while he's dealing with it. People have their lives and he's absolutely right. Separation is something he can deal with, even if it's not Josh's favorite idea.

Isolation is what he can't deal with.

He's had a fear of it for years, exacerbated by the disappearance of his sisters and his parents and friends' withdrawal after. Multiplied to a crippling paralyzing anxiety after his weeks of being left alone in the mines, after that awful night when he enacted his 'Plan'. And isolation is what he had feared from Han leaving.

For now that has been waylaid quite well.

"Okay so...spanners and elbow grease I'm guessing?" Josh tries to think of what else they'd even need. Give him a second. He can ask intelligent mechanical questions. "What do we do about the bolts rusted on?"

"Break em and replace em." He says with a shrug. "With how badly this thing has been treated, I imagine there isn't going to be much we aren't going to be replacing."

It would certainly be cheaper just to junk this thing and buy a new speeder, but that was never what this was about was it? This was about doing something constructive and getting in touch with a part of yourself that you haven't had the time to go back to in ages. The bonus was finding out Josh wanted to work on it with you ...

The last time Han had gotten to teach anyone anything was when he first won the Falcon from Lando. Chewie was already a good mechanic, but he didn't know the Corellian makes of ships the way Solo did. They spent that first year just taking a lot of things apart and putting them back together for the sake it. When they weren't hauling something, that is.

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